REVIEW: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

GET ON WITH IT

There’s a priceless old Bollywood moment in The Twilight Saga : Eclipse. Bella and Edward are in a flimsy tent in the midst of a snowstorm. Her teeth are chattering. Jacob walks in and chastely gets into her sleeping bag, telling the angry Edward, “I am hotter than you.”

This David Slade film, the third in the series of teen flicks based on Stephanie Meyer’s absurd and hugely popular series is full of these giggle-worthy moments. Nothing much happens in the film, except the courtly vampire (Robert Pattinson) who always looks like he were about to burst into tears or sneeze, is up against the shirtless, six-packed hottie Jacob the werewolf (Taylor Lautner), for the affections of boring Bella (Kristen Stewart).

The flame-haired Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard) from the last film (New Moon) is still howling for revenge for the murder of her mate, and wants to kill Bella. She is preparing an army of New Born vampires to do battle with Edward and the Cullen clan. Both Edward and Jacob want to do noting but protect her, and their respective tribes are resolutely with them.

But there’s the love triangle to resolve too, as Bella tries desperately to seduce “old school” Edward, while planting prim kisses on Jacob and snuggling against his broad chest. Every teen girl in the audience must be sighing, what does boring Bella have that I don’t. Well, sense for one, spirit for another. Bella is a disgrace to youth, but then maybe she appeals to the kind of mind that adores the Twilight series, simply because they haven’t been exposed to better literature. There are at least two more films to go… rejoice or groan, depending on your age and mental make up.