CONVERSATION: The Actors of AMEN

KARAN MEHRA IN CONVERSATION WITH JITIN GULATI

Amen, by Judhajit Bagchi and Ranadeep Bhattacharyya, is a short film that has grown to become a festival favorite in the few months since its release. The two leading men of the film have a fun conversation with each other about how they approached playing gay in the film.

(Jitin Gulati in italics)

KARAN MEHRA: What I know about Jitin was that he worked in banking, but he left his job to come to Bombay and pursue acting. He's been doing a lot of ads, he has a good physique, but now he has a broken leg..

JITIN GULATI: (Smiles) Don't give too much information...

Well, you can pay me back. Then he did a short film called Atonement. He does it the Al Pacino way, role mein poora ghus ke... very very strict in terms of lines, the mood, the feel of the whole page. He'd done a lot of homework for Amen from what I remember and he had met the writer and cinematographer  much before I came in, but sorry to say, he did a f*ck-all job! (Laughs)

I was hoping that last bit would be as good! Well, I would say Karan is somebody that I've learnt from, coz I'm relatively new, and he's been around for four years. He had done his acting course from Barry John.

So have you.

Yes, and he's been in the theatre circuit in Delhi for quite some time...

Yeah, kind of. I did a lot of beedi chai dena theatre ke peeche...

All of us do that...

I did a little, utna bhi nahi kiya tha maine (Smiles).

And he's doing very well on the ad circuit... you can see him on Bru Coffee, MVL, the works (Smiles). In fact, the first time, when Deep and Jeet told me that he's the guy opposite me, I was quite chuffed. I think I learnt a lot. Remember you had said that when you say the lines, you have to have the motive right? I've observed him too...

But generally, hota hai. You are a student and a teacher in life and you get to learn a lot of things but Jitin, tell me, how did this role happen to you, what was it exactly like when the script came to you?

I think for me, this film has been a long-drawn process. I got a mail, saying that they're looking for actors for a bold project! Often I go just to see what the sensibility is like... not really with the intention of saying yes. I sent my photographs, I had auditioned earlier for one of their ads. So they called me, and they didn't say anything! Except that this is the film, and there is a scene where you're supposed to make out with a guy, and you have to show your back... That's the only brief I got. Why? Because they had already spoken to about a hundred people, given them narrations, auditioned a few, and then told them about this scene, and more or less people had developed cold feet in the end. So the first thing they told me was that ki yeh aisa aisa hai, are you ok with this? I'm like, dude, hello? I'm speaking to you for the first time... at least build up to it. I said no, I didn't know how it'll be perceived, and how it'll be done. I was taken aback then... but I went ahead and met them later because I had read a lot about Harish Iyer, on whom the film is based. I knew that Onir was doing a film called I Am Abhimanyu based on Harish's abuse as a child. I thought something good may come out of this project, but I still wasn't very sure about where I was headed. Then I met these people, and I thought that the sensibilities were in the right place. I was given references, films of Almodóvar, someone I really admire for his visual sense; they gave me a lot of homework to do. So here I was, not only being asked to show my butt...

What sort of homework did you have to do? Did you look at men? I did. (Laughter)

No, they said it's not only about that! They gave me three films to see, Happy Together, Maurice and Head On; they said that the guy in Head On, that has to be your attitude, you see what you can take from the rest... I think, as an actor, you're unconsciously taking from everywhere. They gave me Queer as Folk, I was quite impressed by the character of Brian. A lot of us who're ashamed of whatever we are, I'm not talking about just sexuality, we should look at Brian. All of us have our shortcomings, but in a world that's largely dependent on generalizations, he's somebody who represents a minority, and still shines so brightly, he doesn't care...! I think, that was the whole point for me... for me that was part of the process, then the nude scene became just a very small part of the whole game. There was a lot more to chew upon... not literally... (Smiles) there was lots more to do in the film than just the butt!

So any hiccups, any qualms that you had, or maybe pressure from your family, did you tell them that you were doing this kind of film?

My parents knew I was doing a short film, my sisters were aware of the content. You know, I'm not ashamed of the film. I might be embarrassed to watch it with my parents, but that would be the case for a bad comedy film as well... or if it was a woman in the scene. The way we've been brought up, we don't watch sex scenes with our parents. When we were young, my parents would leave the room. I would tell them a scene's coming... I'd be embarrassed, but not ashamed. Actually what surprised me really was that you said ‘Yes’ in a jiffy… and I really want to know, as an actor how do you know what will work or not? I took my time…

Very honestly, and straight from the heart, I took it because I had no work in hand. 

Which is not true, he is a busy-round-the-clock actor…

No, just running around from pillar to post… the thing is, when I shot an ad with them, I saw how focused they were. They were handling everything, from pre to post, to collecting cheques, to every little thing. This was something out of the box. They told me about the script, and that it had an explicit scene. I got a print of the script, they hadn’t told me which role I was going to play. In my mind, I thought that I was playing Andy, which was ultimately Jitin’s character. That’s who I instinctively prepared myself for. Then they tell me, we’re looking at Harry for you. I said no, you mean Andy. No, they meant Harry. That’s when I went back to the script and gave it the once-over again. I had to play the queen! So there was suddenly a little bit of excitement, plus a little hint that uh-oh, maybe this was going in the wrong direction for me. But it was not clichéd, and I figured I could play it like a regular guy. I had asked them if wanted me to go over the top? They said, don’t do anything, we just want you to be you! In most cases you wouldn’t know if a guy’s gay, he isn't always pansy, or flamboyant, or wearing pink jeans. But he’ll tell you he’s gay. That’s when I met Harish the next day, he told me about everything. I was reading his body language. I realized somewhat that without coming across as gay, you can still be gay. After that it was easier.

But before meeting Harish, you had thought of gay people in a stereotypical light?

Definitely, if you think about gay people, you normally have this whole image fed to you. Then you have people who’re more subtle… so I didn’t really know how to get Harry across, since his characterization was so subtle in terms of the behavior we normally associate with gay people. I never take off my t-shirt from the top like Harry did, I never walk in a line—in real life, I walk like an orang-utan, so I had to change my gait a bit, just to create a gay character who was understated. That was the only homework that I actually did in terms of behavior. I was mostly interested to get under his skin. I did go out and look at men, though. Tried to feel if maybe I could get the urge to be attracted to a man. I had asked to spend the night at the set, just to get a feel of this space built around this man, but we couldn’t do that. A lot of detailing was done, but it was a small, cute set.

Our chemistry also happened over the period of the two days we shot together. We didn’t know each other that well at first. It helped because the characters were strangers as well to start out with. We weren’t even supposed to kiss each other, simply because it’s more intimate and that would be out of character for Andy, even though they did have sex… and that scene took a lot of time, it took eight hours to shoot.

Well, he shaved his legs, I didn’t. He kept rubbing against me. He was pretty heavy, he was the one on top! The bed was bloody uncomfortable, so it hurt! 

In the end it was all bloody worth it, don’t you think?

Yes, definitely. (Laughter) 

Actually, the directors had told me to not shave for at least three days before the shoot, so I had a stubble. But then I had a last minute urgent shoot for which I had to shave. So when I turned up on the sets, what we did was we put on some hair on the face—make-up with scrape hair. So, when we were making out, all the hair would come off on his chest, and then we needed the make-up again. And most of these shots were close-ups, so for continuity we had to constantly keep touching up.

Had you done a love-scene with a woman earlier? 

Not really a make-out scene, but I had an intimate scene with a girl in my FTII project.

So was it different doing it with a guy?

I don’t think so.

The feel of the place was such that the whole process took the sex of it, I think. It was totally choreographed and they needed some particular moments, and angles they needed to shoot. I was particular that I wouldn’t take off my shorts but he was rather sporting...

Well there wasn’t a frontal shot. But after about five hours of shooting that I got so frustrated with how long that scene was taking to shoot, that I didn't even mind the nudity anymore.

Unlike on stage where you are in the moment, and things happen, and there’s a build-up, and you get turned on.

With camera, it’s more about the mechanics than the chemistry. It was a very small crew. 10-12 people overall, but when shooting the love scene, there were just four others. I don’t think that I had a problem honestly, it was members of the crew who were pretty scandalized. It could have been the prospect of watching two men making out. Plus, the place we had hired, the owners were very conservative. They weren't told there would be a scene depicting two men making love. So we had stationed two people outside, to warn us if the landlord came around.

Imagine the riot if they had walked in on us. (Laughter)

Ok, Karan - on the first day of screening your wife also accompanied you.

Yes, she was pretty excited and I had told her she shouldn’t watch it, and that it’s really explicit. When she saw the film she said, I really did not see you, I was so much into those two characters and their story. I showed it to my mom and sister as well. I started the film, and went out of the room. They are pretty open about these things, but I left them to view the film on their own. When I returned I was pretty surprised with what I saw. It was overwhelming because both of them had tears in their eyes. They felt it was my best performance ever. They’ve seen my TV work, my ads. They loved the scenes of tenderness between the characters when I’m bandaging his hand, when there was a kind of lull after all the energy and pacing in the earlier interaction between the guys. When we have the softer music and the chemistry builds up, that’s when you can grasp the beauty of the story. Their reaction was pretty moving for me. My sister is like a tomboy, she hardly cries or shows any kind of emotion. They didn’t talk much to me then. They went away to their rooms and later they asked me about the shoot. They were so excited about both our performances. They were happy with the kind of film I had done even though they felt sad that it wasn’t really a film for Indian audiences but they were sure it would win some awards. My wife was in her own world…

So she didn’t see me as the other man?

That you’ll remain all my life now! I was pretty skeptical about the film being released in India, but post dubbing, and post the final cut, I was really proud of it and wanted to show it to people.

In fact, it wasn’t something the film-makers had intended for an Indian release. But now, more and more, we feel that it should be screened for Indian audiences.

I had initially felt it wasn’t meant for an Indian screening and that’s one of the reasons why I decided to do it. But now I feel it’s got that quality of a universal love story, and it doesn’t matter that it isn’t about a girl and a boy. It’s about two men yes, and I don’t think it needs to be labelled as a gay film.

I had watched Sean Penn’s Milk before this film was offered to me. I wondered how those actors did it, it intrigued me, and I thought of it as a challenge. And then this role came back to me after a month, obviously somebody was listening to me up there. I spoke to my friends, and a lot of them felt you have to take chances. When I told them the story they said that it’s not just a gay film, it’s talking about things on a broader level. They were perceptive, and could see beyond the sex. One of my friends said that this film was talking about tolerance. It’s talking about being accepting who you are, and being okay with the world around you and taking it from there. So if it is made with the right sensibility, it’ll not be looked upon as just a gay film. That friend nailed it for me. 

This is more about a gay person’s mind. Confused about whether he is gay, or maybe he isn't, what if he is etc. and the story really takes off from someone who’s been abused as a child and then who has to learn how to be able to trust and love men as an adult.

Yes, I hope the ‘gay’ label isn’t there. Because then the film is perceived very differently. I’d rather it be a film for everyone, who then come away with an understanding of gay issues.

The other day I went to Barry John’s studio and showed them the film, and the girl there said, the story unfolds as soon as one the guys tells the other to undress. Quite figuratively, the story also undresses. There on, we start getting on with the real story. That was one of the hook points of the film. Harry holds the character, the story, as a person outside the frame. You can’t change the label, maybe. But here you have a romantic story gently unfolding. It’s about people in a dilemma, it’s a love story.

For example, Brokeback Mountain has transcended the label of being a gay film, it’s a classic. People have fallen in love with that film.

Jitin, did you think that when taking this role, you would be typecast. Was it a stupid move, or a brave move?

I don’t think it was a stupid move, or a brave one. I think I am an actor and if something challenges me, I’ll do it. The point is, where I move from here. Tomorrow I may be playing a sex worker, and that doesn’t mean I’ll become one. I may play a banker. I happen to be a banker, but that’s not the point.

How does it look on your resumé, though? What is the perception of your work?

I think, ultimately, what I do with this will create a perception of my work. Let’s give due credit, people are intelligent enough to know what we’ve actually done. If people needs to cast us, and it bothers them that I’ve done Amen then so be it. They’ll cast me because I deliver the goods.

On my part, I’ve done a lot of work. A lot of TV, a lot of theatre, a lot of ads. I’ve never had Shobha Dé comment on my performance, like she has done for Amen. For me, this ranks as a masterpiece. It is one of my best works. I didn’t think this would be the case, I hadn’t planned it, but this is how it turned out. It was magic. For me, this is definitely a step forward. I’ve taken that step forward. It helped that, unlike gay characters in other films, ours were strong positive roles. When I look at a script, the length of the role doesn’t matter to me, it’s the strength of the role. It can be one scene but it should be saying something.

And it could be a very big film, and you’re looking stupid in a role, that’ll probably harm you even more. So a stronger role in a smaller film can really be worth your while.

I guess, talking about sexuality in whichever way is a little uncomfortable. Like asking someone if they’d had sex, or if they were still a virgin? Despite having the largest population, we still don’t talk about sex. I have been meeting more gay people now, that we have started taking this movie around. When I was in Delhi, and there were a lot of stereotypical banter there regarding gay people. In Bombay, there are a lot of people you meet who are gay and very openly so, unlike say Jitin’s character, Andy, who is closed, discreet. He doesn’t even want to believe he is gay. And I am sure a lot of people think that way. I’m also sure that every guy, whoever he is, does think about having sex with a man, at a point of time in his life. I didn’t have to rewire myself after the film because I was already in tune with what was the reality around us. But we were apprehensive about how we were going to come across. All of us were new. I mean I would still have a problem with an over-the-top gay guy. But that is not a general discomfort that I feel for gay men as a whole.

On my part, my education on sexuality has primarily been through cinema. It wasn’t as if I came across a gay script for the first time. The film itself wasn’t a learning curve because if you’re a part of media, you come across all kinds of people. For me, an individual is an individual. Their sexuality does not matter. He could be good, or great, or stupid. But his sexuality has nothing to do with who he is. Now I get a lot of friend requests on Facebook from gay men. I mean I don’t mind interacting with anyone depending on how that person is comes across. If he’s coming across as someone pushy, and trying his luck, or someone who just wants to be friends. Someone actually came up to me and said, nice performance but awesome butt! But over the period of time I’ve interacted with gay men, post our screenings, I’ve come to believe that the level of awareness about themselves that gay people is so high. They’re more emotionally connected, because they’ve delved that much deeper into themselves, even though sexuality does become a large part of their identity. I find that very interesting. I think, as an identity, it could be very exciting being a gay person. I don’t know why it is looked down upon.✑